Interview #3

(Photo by Trace Hudson)

Figure 82.   Arising

Ian:

What has changed in your life?

Me:

I’ve learned to listen to my Self rather than others about who I am by forming new habits of awareness.

Ian:

What new habits?

Me:

The first notion of awareness has proved to be the most useful. It’s the daily practice of reflecting on my rote responses, assessing the value of those interactions, then gauging its instinctual effect. Two main questions serve this purpose: “Was my initial reaction to the situation uplifting or downcast?” “Did I leave the interaction in a ripple or a wake?”

Ian:

Why do you think this took 15 years?

Me:

I made a lifetime of decisions based on how I interpreted other's view of me. They were not made from a position of self-worth. It took a long time to break this habit.

(Photo by Eberhard Grossgasteiger)

Figure 83.   Profound

Ian:

Has this helped?

Me:

Yes. I’ve been able to observe others in my sphere who have self-esteem. And, No. Until recently observations weren’t enough to change my behaviour as I was not aware of the unintended consequences these interactions had on others. I've now adopted a new process of decision making.

In hindsight, this has been my quest for three decades. I had no idea it would take 15 years to get to the point where I could concentrate the next 15 years accomplishing this task.

Ian:

Did you have a plan?

Me:

No, I just keep delving deeper within, regardless of circumstances.