Lost

Essay Timeline I

I was in the full throes of ‘bargaining’ when I lost the ability to continue my bookkeeping business. Everything in my life was equated to either good (white) or bad (black) as justified by Me. Traumatised by multiple failures throughout the previous thirty (30) years, I couldn’t see ‘grey’; as it turns out, I never knew ‘grey’.

I was a law unto myself and expected
everyone else to obey them.

This was the beginning of insulating myself from the world—the pendulum effect of substituting work for self-esteem. To be fair, though, I did take a stand against those who were trying to involve me in questionable business practices.

Within three months of closing my business, and no result in efforts to secure other employment, I was served an eviction notice. And, while I moved out on my own terms, I was blacklisted for representing myself in court to prove a wrongful eviction—both from employment and ability to rent.

I wasn’t a legal entity other than my driver’s license for six and a half (6.5) years. From Fall 2008 thru Spring 2015, I didn’t have rent, utilities or communications in my name. From Fall 2013 thru Spring 2015, I camped for the first two and a half (2.5) months, before being shuffled between temporary housing and sleeping in my car. The last bout was in my car—in the dead of winter—mid-January to mid-March 2015.